Problem:
1. John's mother and father are estranged
2. he can't stay on the ranch
Need: no psychological need - he's very together
No moral need - he is a paragon of virtue
This will cause a problem at the end by giving us no self-revelation and a clouded theme.
Desire:
1. to be a cowboy in Mexico
- Problem: this is accomplished quickly
- unclear motive: is this some romantic notion?
2. to get the girl
3. to escape prison and death
4. to get the girl again
5. to get the horses back and go home
Problem: makes the script very episodic - each desire represents a new story. And they are not well connected.
Ally: not enough difference between John and Rawlins
Opponents:
1. kid Blevins
2. Mexicans with the horses
3. the girl (love story)
4. the Aunt
5. the Captain
6. the boy prisoner
7. the Captain and his men
A lot of opponents, and they are not connected.
Key question to ask of any opponent: what is his value to the hero's quest and character creation other than to cause him trouble?
All opponents have the same problem:
no detailing no contrasting to the hero's values they don't force a moral change in the hero
Plan: generally to go to Mexico
But the plan changes for each opponent. On the other hand, plans are usually unclear in myth stories.
- No set up of how good John is with horses
Moral argument: stated but not really explored
1. he insists on staying with Blevins and then helping him vs. Mexicans
2. he doesn't know if he promised the aunt. But the real point is, he never discusses the morality of his actions with the girl.
3. he talks about sticking with your friend no matter what
Reveals: not enough, means a thin plot
Battle: vs. the Captain and his men over horses
Problem: this is not the right main opponent. He is a stranger. The audience doesn't care if John gets his horses back. It's just stupid.
Self-Revelation: he already knows more about how to live morally than anyone else
Even his mistakes are forgivable. His real flaw is stupidity.
New Equilibrium: he is unchanged
He has more horses
Suggestions:
-give him a psychologial and a moral need; make him less knowing about how to act
-create a clearer life desire
-explain motive for going to Mexico better
-find an ongoing, overriding opponent
-intensify his own relationship to his horse and other horses over the course of the story
-improve the moral argument between John and Rawlins, the Aunt, and Rocha
-explain contrasting cultures and societies better
-add love story beats
-add symbols to myth journey that represent his growth
-add reveals for more plot
-find the right opponent for the big battle
-give the hero a self-revelation about how he has destroyed others' lives
1. John's mother and father are estranged
2. he can't stay on the ranch
Need: no psychological need - he's very together
No moral need - he is a paragon of virtue
This will cause a problem at the end by giving us no self-revelation and a clouded theme.
Desire:
1. to be a cowboy in Mexico
- Problem: this is accomplished quickly
- unclear motive: is this some romantic notion?
2. to get the girl
3. to escape prison and death
4. to get the girl again
5. to get the horses back and go home
Problem: makes the script very episodic - each desire represents a new story. And they are not well connected.
Ally: not enough difference between John and Rawlins
Opponents:
1. kid Blevins
2. Mexicans with the horses
3. the girl (love story)
4. the Aunt
5. the Captain
6. the boy prisoner
7. the Captain and his men
A lot of opponents, and they are not connected.
Key question to ask of any opponent: what is his value to the hero's quest and character creation other than to cause him trouble?
All opponents have the same problem:
no detailing no contrasting to the hero's values they don't force a moral change in the hero
Plan: generally to go to Mexico
But the plan changes for each opponent. On the other hand, plans are usually unclear in myth stories.
- No set up of how good John is with horses
Moral argument: stated but not really explored
1. he insists on staying with Blevins and then helping him vs. Mexicans
2. he doesn't know if he promised the aunt. But the real point is, he never discusses the morality of his actions with the girl.
3. he talks about sticking with your friend no matter what
Reveals: not enough, means a thin plot
Battle: vs. the Captain and his men over horses
Problem: this is not the right main opponent. He is a stranger. The audience doesn't care if John gets his horses back. It's just stupid.
Self-Revelation: he already knows more about how to live morally than anyone else
Even his mistakes are forgivable. His real flaw is stupidity.
New Equilibrium: he is unchanged
He has more horses
Suggestions:
-give him a psychologial and a moral need; make him less knowing about how to act
-create a clearer life desire
-explain motive for going to Mexico better
-find an ongoing, overriding opponent
-intensify his own relationship to his horse and other horses over the course of the story
-improve the moral argument between John and Rawlins, the Aunt, and Rocha
-explain contrasting cultures and societies better
-add love story beats
-add symbols to myth journey that represent his growth
-add reveals for more plot
-find the right opponent for the big battle
-give the hero a self-revelation about how he has destroyed others' lives
